Riding In Cars With Boys
by Kelly Quit Lollygagging
Summary: Party animal by night, good girl by day. What happens when these two ways cross paths for Renesmee and Jacob is no longer there for her? JxR AH drugs, alcohol, violence?, and language. maybe a lemon later on ;
1. Chapter 1

**Riding in Cars With Boys**

Chapter 1 - Just a Typical Night

**Jacob's POV**

My phone blared out its loud ring. **A Letter From Janelle **by **Chiodos**; it could only be one person.

I rolled over and groaned. The red letters on my clock read 2:30 a.m. This was really starting to get old.

I picked up my phone off of the bedside table and hit the 'answer' button.

"Hello?" I asked groggily, rubbing my eyes.

"Jake," she whispered, slurring.

"Yeah?" I wondered, though I already knew.

"Can youh give meh a ride home?" she asked. Well, I didn't actually hear her because there was too much background noise, but this was routine.

I sighed. "I'll be right there."

"Thankss Jakeh. I love youh," she said before the line went dead.

"I love you too," I murmured into the dial tone. If only she really knew.

I pulled on a pair of shorts and some shoes. I ran my hand through my hair and yawned, pushing off of my bed.

Trying to stay as silent as possible and stumbling around I finally managed to make it to the front door. I grabbed my keys from the table and opened the door. The door made a quiet creek and I cringed. The snoring from my dad cut off and then picked up and increased in volume. I sighed and pulled the door shut behind me.

I stuck the key into the lock of my 1971 Plymouth Cuda and watched the silver lock pop up. I slipped into the car and onto the black leather. I stuck the key in the ignition and turned it hard. The car roared to life and shook beneath me. I smiled smugly for a minute before putting the car in gear and turning on the headlights.

I didn't bother to be quiet anymore. My dad would know in the morning that I went out again. He's ask where I was, again. And I'd have to lie to him. Again.

This whole routine started about a year ago. While we were both sophomores, she was on the fast track and I was…well, not the smartest. She had everything going for her. Looks, sports, grades, and the perfect boyfriend to top it all off. Then the stress came. And her boyfriend introduced her to her new best friends. Crank and alcohol.

That became her nightly routine. She would finish with school, go straight to her boyfriend's house - her parents had the whole trust thing going on and didn't feel it necessary for her to check in - get completely wasted, then call me for a ride at some ungodly, hour crash at my house, then get up and do it all over again.

If it wasn't for the fact that I had known her my whole life and that I loved her more than life itself, I would never do this. But I did and I wanted to help her.

I turned the corner and stopped in front of his house. They were lying in the grass looking up at a starless night. I reached under my seat and pulled out a brown paper lunch bag. She might need that, though I pray to God that we make it to my house before she does.

I got out of the car, yawning, and shuffled around the front of it. Her boyfriend, Tyler, looked up at me with glazed over eyes. He really didn't care about anything right now, much less that I was taking his girlfriend.

"Heyy Jakeh, you came!" she said. She staggered as I picked her up and I reached out to steady her.

I threw her arm around my shoulder and supported her weight as she stumbled back to the car. She let go of my arm and went slamming right into the car door.

"Ow."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Pathetic.

She opened the door and climbed in awkwardly. Once she was in I pulled the seatbelt around her pretending not to notice the sour look on her face.

She turned on the radio and it was **Wild Thing **by **Chip Taylor**. She hummed along to it and set her hand on my thigh. I was instantly on guard.

Her hand started to move back up towards my upper thigh.

"What the hell are you doing?" I demanded.

"Nothing," she slurred, sliding her hand closer.

"Knock that shit off. We are not doing that," I warned.

"Oh Jake, loosen up," she whispered in my ear.

It was hard for me to resist her. She was the only one I wanted to be with in that way. But this was wrong. She has a boyfriend.

I grabbed her hand and shoved it back to her glowering at her.

She continued to sing like nothing was wrong.

Wild thing, indeed.

A/N: soo, tell me how you like it. Should I continue or not? This is my first story like this so let me know soon!

Thanks guys

Loves you

XOXO

Kelly


	2. Chapter 2

**Riding In Cars With Boys**

Chapter 2 – I'm Not Your Boyfriend Baby

**Jacob's POV**

We made it home in ten minutes and thankfully she didn't need the paper bag. She used the ground once we came to a stop in front of my house.

She stepped out, using the frame of the car for support. I caught her around the waist and pulled her to the door, dragging her feet across the pavement.

She fell through the door – literally – and crawled to the couch. She curled up in the middle and pulled the blanket off the back of it, draping it awkwardly over herself. Once she fell asleep, I'd move her to Rachel and Rebecca's old room, my sisters' that no longer lived with us.

It was easier to hide her there. My dad hated going in there because it hurt him too much. I felt bad doing it, but what else was I supposed to do? I couldn't let her go home like that.

I sighed and sat down heavily in the armchair. I leaned my head back and stared at the ceiling in the dark. How things got so fucked up, I'll never know. How I got sucked into it was simple: I loved her too much to let someone else do it. The only person you can trust is yourself…

She groaned and rolled over, her head and arm hanging off the side, her hand resting on the ground.

I pushed up out of the chair and walked quietly to where she was. I put one arm under her knees and the other behind her back, cradling her to my chest like a small child. She curled into me and fisted her hand on my shirt.

I tried to walk as smoothly as I could, but it was hard; I was too tired to move gently. I nudged the door to my sisters' room open with the front of my shoe and set her on the bed gently. I kissed her forehead softly and pulled the blankets over her. She sighed, content in finding sleep.

I walked across the hall to my room, pausing at my dad's door to check on him. He was still there, snoring heavily. I walked into my room and sat on the edge of my bed. I took my shoes off slowly and then my shorts, leaving me in my boxers, white T-shirt, and socks. I climbed under the blankets and pulled them up around my face.

I was right on the edge of sleep when I heard the familiar creek of someone stepping just outside my door.

"Jake?" she whispered. I grunted in response.

She crossed the room and laid on my bed, fitting her body against mine, her front to my back. At first she just laid still, breathing steadily, and I thought she had fallen asleep. Then she threw her arm over me, her hand recklessly close to my belt line. My breath hitched in my throat. Her fingers wandered under my shirt, tracing circles gently on my stomach. Then they started to travel south and I grabbed her hand roughly in my own.

I sat up and turned my face to hers. She was lying still, watching my face with wide, innocent, doe eyes that didn't belong to her. They were glazed over and distant. She was a different girl.

"Please Jake?" she whispered heavily. "I promise I'll make it worthwhile."

I shook my head sadly and closed my eyes. She took that as encouragement and grabbed roughly at my boxers.

I pulled her wrists together and had to remind myself why exactly I had to tell her no.

"Nessie, we can't. You have a boyfriend, and you're under the influence," I said firmly. There was no room for reason in my voice.

She closed her eyes and sighed. "Jake, he's not my boyfriend, he just gives me what I want and I give him what he wants. And it's not sex. Trust me, I'm still a virgin. And who gives a flying fuck if I'm under the influence? It'll make it all the more interesting and wild. I can give you what you want Jake." Her voice was heady and slurred; the sexiest thing I had ever heard.

"I don't want to," I lied, working to make my voice harsh and cold.

Her face crumpled and she drew her hands back to her chest.

"You don't want me?" she asked, rejected.

"Not like this, high and drunk, only wanting sex as another distraction from the world going on around you. You're scared; you can't lie to me." I let all my pent-up annoyance flow out harshly in my words.

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about," she spat, hiding her eyes.

"Oh? Then, please, enlighten me," I said sarcastically.

"Shut the fuck up. Go back to sleep." Her eyes stayed hidden as she traced the patterns on the comforter.

"Gladly," I mumbled under my breath, lying back down.

She hesitated a minute before curling up against my body. I rolled my eyes but let it go. As long as she didn't try to go any farther, than I didn't really have a problem with it.

As I waited for the darkness to pull me under, my mind wandered back to what Ness had said. So she was still a virgin, huh? That was a surprise to me. I would've thought that was the way she paid him. But if that wasn't it then…

"Ness?" I murmured.

"Huh?" she asked picking her head up off the pillow.

"How can you afford all of it?" I wondered, hoping she wouldn't accuse me of sticking my nose where it didn't belong.

"My parents," she answered easily.

I thought that over. Well, it made sense. Her dad, Edward, was chief of medicine at the county hospital here in Miami, Florida. And her mom, Bella, was a physical therapist at the hospital. They raked in money and never used a half of it; they liked to live simply and didn't need the money. Ness never had to explain why she took the money, or the amount she took.

"Besides," she continued, "he'd rather have money than sex, something I'm very happy about."

"But then, why did you want to have sex with me?" I asked in shock and then regretted it.

She chuckled, low and throaty. My resolve wavered and I almost turned my face to hers, making our lips meet.

"Silly Jacob. Why wouldn't I want to have sex with you? You're everything I need in a man and more," she whispered the last line and moved her nose along my jaw.

I gulped. This had to be a trick, another way for her to get what she wanted.

_So why not give her what she wants! _My weak side fought my strong, an internal war that nearly killed me.

I shook my head and turned to glare at her. Her eyes weren't as distant, the glaze starting to fade. She was coming back down. Great.

_"You need to get some sleep," I hinted._

_"No, I need you," she said seductively, peering up from under her incredibly long lashes._

_I tried to speak around the lump in my throat, but all that would fit around it was air. I closed my mouth and stared at her wordlessly, hoping to convey what I couldn't say._

_She placed two fingers on my chin and walked them up to my bottom lip. She pulled it down gently and put the tip of her finger in my mouth. I closed my eyes and tried my very hardest to keep every part of me from reacting, focusing on some more than others. She leaned her head in and pulled her finger down my chin to my chest, playing with the neck of my shirt. She peered up at me again, her eyes glazing over again, but it was a different high now. Her breathing was heavy, her chest moving against my arm from her frenzied heartbeat. She leaned her head in even closer to mine, her lips very lightly resting against my own, hovering above them. I tried to find reason in my mind but it was hard with her smell filling my mind, making it impossible to react in any other way than want._

_Before I could make my mind react logically, and throw her out of my bed, her lips met mine. It was soft and warm, sweet and building; I closed my eyes. The heat and electricity coursed between us. She moved one hand to my hair, taking in a fistful, while the other grabbed my shirt roughly. I couldn't think of anything other than her delicious lips on mine, something I had wanted so badly for so long. The part of my brain that maintained sanity screamed at me. I tried to open my eyes, but my weaker side was the stronger side at the moment and it felt like I had no control of my own body. The hand in my hair stayed while the one holding tight to my shirt released its grip and trailed slowly down my stomach making me shiver. My hands, no longer under my control, gripped her hair and pulled her ever closer to me. _

_She swung her leg over me, straddling my stomach. Our lips stopped for a minute, both of us trying to catch our breath. I'm sure she could feel my little friend standing at attention but she didn't seem to mind. Her lips crashed down on mine, and it was no longer sweet, it was hungry. I reacted to her intensity, moving one of my hands to the small of her back, bowing her body into mine. Her chest rested on mine and I could feel the pounding of her heart, synchronized with my own. All the while her hands continued their journey down. They met the elastic band of my boxers and ran across it, back and forth. _

_One of her fingers curled under the elastic, testing the boundaries. My eyes snapped open and met hers. They were staring down at me, dark and full of lust. She was hungry. And she wanted me to feed her. Our tongues were dancing in our mouths when she suddenly plunged her hand in my pants. I groaned and pulled my mouth away from hers. She sat up and removed her hand from me. She pulled her shirt over her head and I gasped. No bra. Great. _

_She bit her lip and smiled at me. Her head inclined towards mine again but I turned my head and she met my cheek. She sat up again, her face confused._

_"We can't do this," I said, breathless._

_"Why not?" She demanded, breathless as well._

_"Because, this is wrong. You're still high, Ness. And you don't really want to do this," the words burned my throat, acid on my tongue._

_"Yes I do. I was the one to make the first move!" she exclaimed._

_I met her eyes, trying to avoid her perfect chest. "I can't, I'm not ready."_

_She huffed. "Well, fuck you Jacob Black! There are plenty of other guys who would love to do me. I don't need you."_

_"Fine. Go find another guy. But you did say that I was all the man you would ever need," I reminded her angrily._

_She laughed darkly. "Whatever. I'm out. Give me my damn shirt." She held out her hand and I set her shirt in it, not letting go._

_Her eyes met mine and I could see the hurt and rejection in them._

_"Get some rest," I told her gently._

_She rolled her eyes. Then she got a glint in her eyes and leaned in closer till her mouth was at my ear. "If you tell anyone about tonight, I'll happily cut your dick off."_

_I smirked. She stood up, read the look on my face, and then scowled at me, throwing her shirt over her head and stomping out of the room._

_I lay down, exhausted enough now to finally get to sleep._

_My eyes closed and in seconds, I was pulled into the darkness of unconsciousness._

_!#$#!_

_The morning light slanted in through my window, casting long shadows across my floor._

_I groaned and rolled over. Thank God it was the weekend. I couldn't handle school today._

_I walked into the bathroom and did my morning routine._

_When I walked into the living room after, on my way to the kitchen, I heard whistling. It wasn't my dad's deep, gravelly voice, it was high and light, a woman's voice._

_I walked into the kitchen and was assailed by amazing scents. Cinnamon and eggs, the sweetness of French toast and strawberries._

_I sat down and she turned to look at me. A blush colored her skin when her eyes met mine. This was the girl I fell in love with._

_"Where's my dad?" I wondered._

_"He left early, fishing with Chief Swan," she said, smiling. The chief was her grandpa. It was sort of ironic._

_"Oh, that's great. Does he know you're here?" _

_She turned her whole body towards me. "I don't know. I assume you didn't tell him?"_

_I shook my head._

_She waited for more. I kept my face away from hers. She sighed and turned back to the stove._

_When she finished, she sat across from me at the table and placed the food on the table._

_"I was serious last night, you know."_

_Her statement confused me and I looked at her, puzzled._

_She kept her eyes on her plate. "Don't tell anyone about last night."_

_"Oh. No I wasn't planning on it," I murmured._

_"Good. Because I don't know what I'd do with a dick." She was trying not to smile, and failing._

_"Oh, I think I know…," I smirked._

_She gasped. "Jacob!" She picked up the newspaper from the table and threw at my head. I ducked out of the way and it hit the wall with a low __thud__. I laughed at her face and she narrowed her eyes._

_I was laughing and my eyes closed. She picked up the pan of eggs and flipped the eggs out at me._

_I gasped then narrowed my eyes._

_Her eyes widened and she shot up from the table. I chased her around the house with the bottle of syrup until she called truce._

_We finished with breakfast and I helped her with the dishes. _

_"Plans for tonight?" I wondered. We were lying on the living room floor staring up at the ceiling._

_"No, I think maybe I'll go home. Just for a little while," she added quickly._

_"Oh."_

_She sighed. "Look, I know you don't approve, but I don't really care. So just deal with it."_

_"I didn't say anything." Though, I should have._

_Her eyes narrowed. "I know."_

_We lapsed into silence. This wasn't the way I wanted things to be. I wanted to be with the girl that I loved, not some troubled soul trapped in the most glorious body._

_But then, life is never easy. And love is most difficult._

_**A/N: **__ okay! This is sort of a continuation of chapter 1, but it's still chapter 2… This was my first try at what almost happened before so tell me if it was any good, or if I should never do that again lol. As you know, REVIEW! Thank you :)  
Loves you  
XOXO  
Kelly_


	3. Chapter 3

**Riding In Cars With Boys**

Chapter 3 - Fate

**Jacob's POV**

"You sure you want to walk? I have no problem giving you a ride; it's a long way," I said warily to Nessie at the front door.

She smiled as she pulled her long hair up into a pony tail. "It's beautiful outside Jacob, and I've walked farther. I'll be fine."

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "Alright, well, text me when you get there?"

"Absolutely," she leaned in to hug me and I returned it with a peck on the cheek.

She did the same and then turned and walked down the two stairs. "Get some rest Jacob, you look like hell."

"Gee, thanks," I said sarcastically.

She smiled as she started walking backwards. She waved to me at the bottom of my driveway and then turned around and continued walking.

I closed the door and leaned against it for a second before pushing off of it and walking back to my bedroom. I paused outside my door and instead turned into my sisters'. I pushed the door open and saw everything in it's place despite it's inhabitant last night. I shook my head and closed the door, kicking mine open and sprawling out across my bed.

I let my eyes close and in seconds I was pulled into darkness.

!#$#!

The front door slammed, pulling me out of a deep, peaceful, dreamless sleep. I rolled my head to the side and saw that the clock said 12:45. I had been asleep for nearly three hours.

I sat up and yawned, pulling my fingers through my hair. I could faintly hear my father's wheelchair rolling across the kitchen floor's linoleum, and an extra pair of boots walking around. I guessed that it was probably Chief Swan. They moved across the kitchen and back into the front hallway.

"You sure you don't want to stay and eat, Charlie?" my dad asked in his gravelly voice.

Charlie chuckled. "No, I have to get home, you know? But thanks Billy, this was fun, we should do it again."

"Yeah, next weekend sounds good," my dad said jokingly, as they went fishing every weekend.

The front door was pulled open. "I'll check my calendar. Hey, tell Jake I said 'hey' will ya?"

"Sure thing Charlie. That is, if I ever see the kid," he muttered.

"Another late night?" he asked, no longer Charlie, but Chief Swan.

"Yeah, I don't know what's going on with him lately," he sighed and I grimaced.

"Don't worry Billy. If it was anything bad, I'd know and so would you," he said and I heard a pat.

The screen door opened and then Charlie walked down the few little steps to the cruiser, and then started it and pulled away.

I waited until my dad rolled back into the kitchen before I opened the door a crack and peeked down the hallway. When I didn't see him, I sprinted on my tiptoes to the bathroom.

When I finished, I did the same, opening the door a crack and peeking down the hallway. I tried to avoid the area of floor outside my room that creaked, and failed.

I froze and listened as my dad rolled back across the kitchen.

"Jake? Can I talk to you?" Not a question, a demand.

I cursed under my breath and trudged into the kitchen.

I paused at the entrance to the kitchen. My dad sat at the opposite end of our small kitchen table, a sandwich in his massive hands.

"Sit," was all he said, not looking up at me.

"I'll stand," I mumbled.

"Sit down. Now."

I muttered profanities as I pulled the chair out, scraping it against the floor and sat down hard.

He stared me down while I stared at the floor, unable to meet his eyes without saying something that would get me into deep shit.

"So," he began.

"So?" I wondered.

"Cut the shit Jacob. Where were you last night?"

"I had to give a friend a ride home," I muttered.

"At two in the morning?" he demanded.

"Yeah."

"Bullshit," he said calmly.

I met his eyes and he stared me down.

"A friend called me. They were messed up and they couldn't go home, so I picked them up and dropped them at a friend's house," I half-lied.

He raised an eyebrow. "Which friend?"

"Can't say."

"Then how do I know you aren't lying to me?" he roared.

I sat without saying a word. He watched me carefully but I gave nothing away.

He shook his head after a minute and I shoved away from the table. He didn't call after me as I turned for my bedroom, but a knock on the front door had me backtracking.

I opened the door to find Embry and Quil in basketball uniforms.

"What's up, Jake? You coming to the game or not?" Embry asked.

"We don't have a game today. What _is _today? What time is it?" I asked, glancing around and trying to find a clock.

"It's Saturday and it's about quarter after one. We have to be there in fifteen minutes," Embry said hurriedly.

"Shit," I muttered, running back to my room and grabbing my duffel bag. I grabbed my keys from the kitchen table without a word from my father and slammed the door shut behind me.

I jammed the key into the ignition and my car roared to life. I put it in drive and pulled out sharply, the tires squealing.

No one said anything until we got to the school, but Quil sat in the back, psyching himself for the game the entire time. Embry threw me glances but said nothing.

"What's up with you man?" he wondered as we made our way to the locker room.

"Nothing, guess I'm just a little out of it today," I said defensively.

"Well you better get your head in the game!" Quil said, bouncing from foot to foot.

"Yeah, go team," I enthused weakly as we walked in.

**Renesmee's POV**

It was a beautiful day other than the thick Miami air making my lungs work harder to inhale and exhale. The light breeze ruffled my tied back hair and I squinted my eyes against the bright sun overhead.

It really wasn't that far from Jacob's house to Tyler's, but I sort of wished that I had taken the ride from Jake. I liked being with him and I knew that he didn't like what I did, but he never showed it. But, anyway, the walk gave me time to think about what I was going to say to my parents. And my little sister. Guilt washed over me when I thought about her.

Tyler's house came into view much sooner than I had expected, and I saw him still laying in the grass, looking up at the sky. I vaguely remembered last night, but it was mostly time with Jacob that I remembered because my mind was a little clearer then.

Tyler watched me walk up the grass and sit Indian-style next to him. His eyes were bloodshot, stubble lining his jaw and making him look much older. He threw me a lazy smile and I returned it with a soft one.

I helped him stumble his way inside. The house was layered with a thick fog, leftovers from last night. Lighters laid on the coffee table, and cans of beer on the floor, and other various types of alcohol scattered around the room. I somewhat remembered other people stopping by and being with us, but my mind was too hazy to know clearly.

Tyler left my side with a grumbled, "I gotta take a piss."

I rolled my eyes and walked into his bedroom to grab some of my spare clothes to change into. I found a pair of capri's, and a striped purple and gray spaghetti strap tank top. I left my hair up and tied on my purple Converse. It was strange how I practically lived at Tyler's house - everything that I needed was here - but I refused to sleep here regardless of how fucked up I was.

He walked out of the bathroom, the stubble gone and his eyes a little less red. He sat down on the couch and looked around for a minute before leaning his head back against the back of the of the couch.

I walked gently over to him and sat down, resting my head on his chest, feeling the rise and fall as he breathed. He draped his arm across my back, holding me closer, and brought his other hand to my face, lifting it to give me a gentle kiss. I kissed him for a minute before pulling away, feeling his hands start to wander.

"Ty," I said evenly.

He grinned and leaned his head back again. "Oh, come on. It's been two years and the closest I've gotten is this," he said, tracing lines on my stomach under my shirt.

"It's the closest you're ever going to get. You know how I feel about that," I murmured.

He chuckled. "We'll see."

"Don't you have to work or something?" I asked, annoyed.

His face fell. "Shit, what time is it?"

"It's about eleven."

"Damn," he muttered and pushed off of the couch.

He muttered to himself as he walked into his bedroom. I stayed on the couch, playing with my fingers in my lap, thinking about my relationship with Tyler. It wasn't really something that another person would call a 'relationship'; it was really just me, using him.

It wasn't like Tyler never used me for anything, it was just never exactly what he wanted. He came out of his bedroom wearing his work uniform, pulling me out of my somewhat guilty thoughts.

He patted his pockets, his brow furrowed, then walked into the kitchen and back to me.

"Babe, can you give me a ride to work?" he asked, still looking around.

"Sure, but what's wrong with your car?" I wondered.

"I forgot to put more gas in it. Damn it, where the hell did I put my nametag?" he muttered.

I rolled my eyes and walked over to the shelf by the front door where he kept his keys, wallet, and nametag. I picked it up and held it in my open palm. He smiled and took it, placing a small kiss on my cheek.

"Thanks babe," he said, pinning it to his shirt.

"Mhm," I murmured as he opened the front door for me.

The thing about Tyler is that he can be very sweet - when he wants to be. Majority of the time, though, he's an asshole. When he's just coming off of a high he's the sweetest guy to be with, but when he's under the influence of anything, or if he's gone too long without it, things can get a little…rough sometimes.

I hit the unlock button for my blue Mazda 3 and we both slid into the front seats. As soon as I started the car, Tyler was fiddling with the radio, trying to find a station that he liked. He settled on some rap station where every other word was bleeped out.

"Do you need me to pick you up?" I asked him.

"Nah, I'm sure I can get a ride home with Evan or something," he said while pulling a cigarette and a lighter out of his back pocket.

I grabbed it from his mouth and threw it out the window.

"Hey!"

"No smoking in my car, you know that. It's a disgusting habit."

"Bitch," he said under his breath.

We didn't say anything more on the way there. He turned up the volume to tune me out.

!#$#!

I pulled into the parking lot to the dollar store where Tyler worked and he had the door open before I had even stopped. I sighed and parked, climbing out of the driver's seat.

He ignored me and started towards the door.

"Tyler, wait," I called.

He stopped, his hands balling into fists and turned slowly. "What?"

"I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to upset you, but if my parents smelled the smoke in my car or on me, I'd be in a lot of trouble. And if that happened, I probably wouldn't be able to see you," I said, reaching out to take his hand.

He didn't pull away and I breathed a silent sigh of relief. Instead, he pulled me closer to him, wrapping his massive arms around my neck and bringing my face into his chiseled chest. He kissed the top of my head and then pulled back to kiss my lips.

"I'm sorry, too, Ness. I don't really think when I'm around you. But I have to go now, or I'm going to be late. I love you," he said, kissed me again, and then turned and walked away without giving me a chance to say anything more.

I stood there for a minute, trying to clear my mind. It wasn't the first time that Tyler had said that, but it was the first time I wasn't high to actually hear it and grasp the weight that it carried.

"Oh, crap," I whimpered.

I dragged my feet as I walked back to my car. I climbed back in and put a mix CD on. I didn't pay much attention to the music or where I was going, really. My mind was too busy thinking about what I had to do now.

I drove around until my gas meter was low. I stopped and filled up, leaning against the side of my car, while the fumes grew stronger in the midday heat.

Now that I had a full tank of gas, there was only one place that I had to be, only one place that I would let myself go. The one place I wished I could forget altogether: home.

I drove much slower than was necessary, taking all of the side streets. I couldn't avoid it forever and I pulled slowly into my driveway. I remembered that I was supposed to text Jacob so I pulled out my phone.

_Home_, I told him.

I didn't have time to wait for his response, or to say anything more as my little sister, Anastasia, came running out the front door towards me. Her hair was long and as curly as ever, the same brown as my mother's, her eyes a striking green. She had the traits that I didn't. I stepped out of my car and opened my arms just as she jumped into them. She was so much bigger, five years old now, and I realized it had been nearly a month since I had seen her last.

"Nessie, I missed you!" she squealed and buried her face in my hair.

I struggled to say anything. I couldn't force the air up from my lungs, couldn't make my lips form the words.

"Missed you too," I finally managed, a strangled whisper.

"Mommy said that you wasn't going to come back, but I knew better. I know my sissy wouldn't never see me again," she murmured.

I closed my eyes and took a deep, steadying breath. I closed my car door and started up to the front door where my mother stood. She looked so much older. There was no emotion on her face and she gripped a small towel in her hands. She was trying not to cry. Fantastic. And the Daughter of the Year Award goes to….

!#$#!

It all seemed too formal. The way she said, "Would like to come in and sit down?" They way she smiled when I spoke, no matter what I said. The way she sat across from me at the kitchen table, unable to meet my eyes.

"Mom?" I whispered.

"What are you doing to us?" she demanded, whisper soft.

"I'm sorry," it's all I could say, all I'd been able to say since I saw her face.

She wiped away a tear that had fallen. "You need more money, don't you."

She got up and went to her purse. She didn't say it accusingly or anyway other than the way that she really meant it. I got up from the table and stopped her hands that were furiously counting out twenty dollar bills. She brought one hand to her lips, closing her eyes and breathing heavily.

"Oh Renesmee," she murmured, turning into me.

I gathered her in my arms, holding her as she sobbed silently. I let my own tears fall for a while.

She pulled away and laughed shortly. "Look at us."

I laughed with her as I wiped my tears. "Yeah."

She smiled, hiding any accusations she had. I had to clear up my reasons for coming home. I was tired of using them.

"Mom? I want to come home. And I want to stay," I told her.

"Honey, we never kicked you out," she said, pushing back a piece of my hair that had managed to free itself from my pony tail.

"I know that. I guess I sort of kicked myself out. But I really miss you and I want to come back," I told her honestly.

"Of course baby. You know that. You don't even have to ask," she murmured and gathered me back into her arms.

"Can I ask you a few questions, though?" she wondered.

I nodded cautiously.

"Where have you been?" she asked, exasperated.

I smiled. "Well, I've been staying at Tyler's. Sort-of. I stayed there during the day but then I would stay at another friend's house during the night. I just couldn't see being with Tyler for all that time."

"So you and him…?" she didn't finish.

I shook my head. "No. I mean, he says that he loves me, but I'm just not ready for anything like that. I just don't think that I love him that way, you know?"

She smiled at me proudly. "I do."

I smiled back at her and she pulled me over to the couch, sitting me down and taking both of my hands. We talked about everything that we had missed in each other's lives. I felt even worse when I remembered how close my mother and I had been; she was my best friend. And to make even that worse, she believed everything that I told her, her faith in me never faltering.

!#$#!

"Nessie, come play with me!" Ana called from her bedroom.

"Just a second," I called back.

I stood in the kitchen with my mom, helping her make dinner. We danced and talked and sang poorly to the music that flowed through the open space.

I walked back to her room and saw Barbie's strewn across her entire floor, a plastic war zone. She had a Ken and Barbie in her hands and they were in the middle of a very deep discussion.

"Nessie! Ken is not being very nice to Lizzy. Make him go away," she said as she threw the boy to the ground.

We used to play this game before. She would tell me to make the boy go away, when she really wanted him to beg the Barbie to let him come back. After fifteen minutes of pleading and Ken crying, Ana finally took him back.

I stood up and strolled back to the kitchen. The music was gone, and there was no sound, but whisper softness in the room.

"Mom?" I asked, rounding the corner.

My mom and dad stood in the middle of the kitchen, my mother's face cradled in my father's hands. He dropped her face and turned to me, a smile spreading across his face.

"There's my Nessie girl!" he sang.

He ran towards me and lifted me into his arms, my time away from him only seeming to make him stronger. I shrieked and held him tightly around the neck. He kissed me all over my face and just couldn't stop smiling. I smiled back at him and wondered why I had ever been so worried about coming home.

Ana came running in and wrapped her arms around his legs. "Daddy!" she squealed.

"Oh, oh no! I'm going to fall," he said playfully.

Ana shrieked and crawled away from him. He set me down with one final kiss on the cheek. He got down on his hands and knees and started to crawl after Ana.

"I'm gonna get you!" he called in a deep voice.

The only response was a small little giggle.

I turned back to my mother and threw her a questioning glance. She just smiled fondly and shrugged. She turned the music back on, and we continued to cook and sing and laugh. It seemed that we were both determined to overlook my absence, and it wasn't as hard of a task as we had thought.

!#$#!

I laid in my bed, looking around my room. Nothing had changed at all, not one thing out of place. I had a feeling that no one wanted to come in here if I wasn't there.

Everyone seemed content with the plan to forget that I was ever gone. And it was hard to justify to myself exactly why I had stayed away for so long.

Dinner was fun. I helped my mom cook like I used to and my dad did the grilling. Ana tried to be daddy's little helper, but of course my dad was paranoid with her around the grill.

He kept calling into the house, "Bella, are you sure there's nothing that Ana can help you with in there?"

Of course, my mother got upset that he had called her Ana instead of Anastasia. The same way she never called me Ness or Nessie and insisted that everyone else call me Renesmee.

"Edward, she'll be fine. Anastasia is a very good helper as long as you watch her."

"Isabella…," he started to whine and I saw her cringe.

She may insist that we be called my our given name, but she hated her own.

"Enough Eddie," she sang and I could imagine the face that he made.

I didn't expect, however, for him to march into the house and assault her with kisses.

"Edward, stop!" she giggled.

"What's my name?" he wondered.

"Edward," she smiled.

"That's right," he said and kissed her nose.

She rolled her eyes and smacked his chest playfully, her cheeks flushing.

I remembered the evening and couldn't help but smile. The one thing my family was good at was forgiveness. Jacob had never replied to my text message and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. He probably thought I chickened out and crawled back to Tyler. I decided that maybe he needed a little phone call.

"Hello?" he asked groggily.

"Hey, did I wake you?" I wondered apologetically.

He paused. "Holy shit, you sound normal."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't just call you when I need something Jacob. Sometimes I just like to talk."

"Mm, that's interesting. Where are you anyway?"

"I told you before, I'm at home. You didn't think I left so soon did you? Yeah, but I don't think I'm going to leave this time," I murmured.

"That's what you said the last time," he muttered.

"It's different this time Jake, seeing Ana…. And everyone, they just want me to be happy and there's no reason why I can't be happy here," I said slowly.

There was silence on the other end. "What about Tyler? And everything that goes along with him for that matter. You're just going to give all of that up, just like that?"

"No, not give it up. Just cut back, a lot. It's not like I did it a lot before anyway. And as for Tyler, he's still there. The only reason I saw him before I 'moved in' was when I was using. It'll just go back to how it used to be."

He didn't say anything.

"And, as for you, I just want to say thank you. For not telling anyone and for putting up with me. I know I was pretty pathetic," my voice dropped to a whisper, "and there was something that I wanted to tell you."

"Yeah?" he asked hesitantly.

I took a deep breath. "I love you."

A/N: Chapter 3, long overdue. Hopefully chapter 4 won't take as long. Lot's of things to come my pretties…. Also, don't forget about Her Dreams Give Wings. Anyhoo, Tyler shall be back with a vengeance and of course Jacob is here to stay. The song for this chapter is Polygraph, Right Now! By The Spill Canvas. Good stuff :)  
Well, I'm off - to bed, that is.  
REVIEW!  
Love ya, Kelly


	4. Chapter 4

**Riding In Cars With Boys**

Chapter 4 - Sleeping Sickness

**Jacob's POV**

She drew in a deep breath. "I love you."

My heart went into overdrive and I was suddenly gasping for air. _I love you. _Those three words had been on the tip of my tongue for years now, but I was always unable to speak them because she didn't feel the same way.

Now that I knew she did, I found my mouth opening.

"I mean, you're my best friend. And you're always there for me, and I know that you always will be no matter what I choose to do. I know that you hate what I do, and I promise that I'm going to cut back, but you still stuck with me. And all those nights that I called you up, you never said anything but 'yes'. I don't know how else to thank you except to say that I love you. And I do Jacob, I really do. You'll always be my best friend."

My heart sank as I realized that she didn't mean it the same way that I did. I sat with my mouth hanging open, unable to say anything without her hearing the hurt.

"Jake?" she asked.

"Y-Yeah," I stuttered.

"I thought you hung up on me. You're awfully quiet," she noticed.

I swallowed. "Sorry."

"You okay?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah, just tired," I murmured.

"Well, I guess I'll let you get some sleep, then. It'll probably be the first time you'll sleep through the night, huh? Guess that's my fault," she mused.

"Oh, I don't mind. But, yeah it probably will be. Wait, you aren't going out tonight?" I wondered.

"No, I just got home. It would kind of ruin everything right now. And I haven't heard anything from Tyler so he either got a new girlfriend or doesn't want to see me tonight," she said jokingly.

I didn't find it funny. Tyler was the biggest douche that I had ever met - and I've met some that are pretty bad. I understood why Ness only stayed with him because he's her hook-up, but I knew that she would've never chosen him if she weren't the person that she was.

"Right, well goodnight Jacob. I love you," she reminded me.

"'Night. Love you, too," I muttered.

I did something like a growl and threw my cell phone down on the bedside table. I pulled my comforter over my head and listened to her tell me that she loved me over and over, as if her voice was on repeat.

**Renesmee's POV**

I hung up with Jacob and then I just sat in my bed. Sleep seemed somewhat impossible. My hands were slightly shaking and I pressed them into my ribcage to stop them. I was starting to get the slightest headache, and I wondered if I was sick. Then, I knew that wasn't it, and it was just that my body was used to me using right about now.

I quietly got out of bed and made my way to the basement bar. My parents were winding down, and here I was, all wound up. Ana was sleeping silently in her bedroom, no worries at all. I looked around before I opened the mini fridge and pulled out a bottle of vodka, the bottle of Smirnoff cool in my hands.

I silently pulled out a small glass cup and poured about an inch. I took a slow sip, relishing in the familiar burn down my throat. I threw back the rest in my cup, refilled it, and then put away the bottle knowing that my parents would never miss it. I walked back to my room just as quietly as I had left it; it was as if I was a ghost.

Setting the cup down on my bedside table, I noticed that the lights on my phone were flashing; someone was calling me. Looking at the caller ID, I saw that it was Tyler.

"Yeah?" I answered, taking a sip of the fire.

"Ness, where the hell are you?" he yelled. There was a lot of background noise.

"Uh, I'm at home."

"You need to get here," he growled.

I swallowed the rest, grimacing at the flames that rippled down my throat. "Alright, just…give me a minute. I have to get out of the house."

"Hurry the fuck up," he commanded and then the phone went dead.

I quickly changed out of my sweatpants and hoodie into a pair of skin tight skinny jeans I couldn't breathe in, and a flowy deep blue shirt. I slid into a pair of black flats and then made my way to my parents' room. I passed Ana's on the way and had to swallow hard when I saw her. I closed her door gently and then knocked softly twice on my parent's door.

"Come in," my father said.

I pushed the door open, keeping one hand on the doorknob.

He studied my appearance and then looked away. "Going out?"

My mother looked down at her hands.

I swallowed. "Tyler called; he needed a ride home from work. I wasn't going to stay for very long."

He nodded. "We'll wait up."

"No, no," I said quickly, "go ahead and get some rest. Promise, I won't be that long."

I watched their faces as they swallowed my lies.

"Okay, love you," he said.

"Love you too, mom, dad," I whispered before closing the door.

I locked the front door behind me and then started my car with shaking fingers. I hated lying to them, I hated Tyler for making me who I am, and most of all I hated myself for not stopping it.

Tyler didn't live very far from where I did. A cute little house his parents had inherited when his grandparents died. When they kicked him out, that's where he went. The driveway was full of cars and the street was lined except for my reserved spot in front of his house.

I sat in the car for a minute before venturing up the front walk and into the house. Tyler was sitting at the coffee table in the living room, surrounded by people. A line of fine white powder graced the table.

"There you are. Here, I set it up for you," he said, making room for me on the couch.

I shook my head; that wasn't my style. Someone held a blunt out to me and I took it eagerly and took a drag.

"At a girl," Tyler smiled.

I made my way into the kitchen and poured myself a beer. I came back into the living room and sat on Tyler's lap. We shared my beer and his weed. He made a show of making out with me on the couch. Tyler was the jealous type, and always worried that guys were looking at me in ways they shouldn't be.

"Fuck this," he finally said, "come with me."

A guy in our audience laughed. "Hey Ty, that's what she said!"

Tyler laughed and so did everyone else. He forgot what he was going to do so I was in the clear for now. It would be the same as every other time. He would get me high and then try to get me to have sex with him. I didn't really have the energy to fight him off tonight.

I slowly got up from his lap.

"Where are you going?" he demanded, grabbing me by the hips.

"I have to pee," I lied.

He let me go and gave me a little nudge. "Make it fast."

I stumbled over people sitting on the ground and into the bathroom. A thick fog layered it and I opened the window to chase it away. I checked myself in the mirror. It was all wrong. My eyes were bloodshot and glassy. My breath reeked of beer and weed. I rinsed my mouth out and washed my face. I went back to Tyler looking semi-normal.

He pulled me down onto his lap hard, and grabbed my face roughly.

"Ow, Ty," I said, pulling back slightly.

"Stop being a little bitch," he growled. His lips attacked every inch of me and I just sat there and let it happen. If I tried to fight back, I would get hurt. If I tried to leave, I would get hurt. If I tried to do anything, I would get hurt.

Finally, he pulled back. "Go get me another beer."

I grabbed the cup and he pushed me towards the kitchen. I stumbled over someone, lost my balance, and hit the ground. Tyler was the first to laugh. I recovered quickly and did as I was told.

I was more careful walking back to him. He held his hand out impatiently for the cup. I made a show of tripping over the table leg and the cup went flying, covering him in beer. Everything got quiet.

"You stupid little whore," he spat.

Everyone got up and made their way into the back rooms or the kitchen or outside; away from here. He stood up and smacked me across the face. He spit on me and then stalked off to his bedroom. I stood there silently fuming. I wanted to leave but the high hadn't completely worn off so that wasn't an option. I considered calling Jacob, but I did that every night and I felt bad.

I stomped outside and sat down on the porch steps. The door opened behind me, but I didn't really care who was there. An old friend of mine, Conner, sat down beside me. He handed me a cup. I took a hesitant sip and was almost relieved to feel the smoothness of Coke.

"Thanks," I murmured.

He shrugged. "No problem."

We sat in silence for a while. I loved Conner for that; we didn't have to say anything when we were together and we didn't have to drink or be high.

He sighed angrily. "Why are you with him?"

I played with my cup. "What other choice do I have? You've seen how he is. I value my life too much."

He took a gulp of his drink. "I just don't understand what makes him think he can do that."

I smiled faintly. "Not everyone is as perfect as you."

He laughed humorlessly. "Obviously I'm not or I wouldn't be here."

It was silent again. The sounds of a teen party drifted through the air. A game of beer pong and another game of flip cup were happening in the back yard. Music was on, but low, in the living room. Chatter floated around us.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You could do so much better."

I pulled my arms tight around myself. "I can't see it."

He made a popping sound. "Want to go for a ride?"

I looked at him. "Where?"

He shrugged and met my gaze. "Anywhere but here."

I studied him. His eyes were clear and I couldn't smell any beer on him.

Conner smiled. "I'm clean, honest."

I smiled back faintly, but bit my lip and looked behind me. "Tyler…."

He rolled his eyes. "We'll be back before his tantrum is over."

He held his hand out to me and I took it hesitantly. He helped me into his car, a Ford Escort, and then closed the door behind me. He started the car and rolled down the windows and then we pulled away.

I watched the city blur around us. The lights flicked past the window, people grew bigger as we approached and smaller once we passed, houses and buildings raced past us. There was something oddly calming about driving with Conner.

He pulled down a gravel road. I watched him as he smiled. Trees passed us and soon we were in a clearing dominated by a crystal clear pond. He cut the engine and the silence was piercing around us. Conner helped me out of the car and we both climbed on the hood of his car to watch the night.

"It's perfect," I whispered.

He nodded. "Yeah, my dad and I used to fish out here when I was a kid. Of course, that was before he died. Now it's all my mom can do to try to keep me away from here. More for her sake, than mine, but I don't care. This is the only place that he's still alive, you know?"

I touched his arm sympathetically. "I'm so sorry Conner. I…."

He smiled. "Hey, no sweat."

We lapsed into silence once again. The night was still and perfect in the clearing and it helped to clear my head faster than I would have thought possible.

He watched me. "Of course, it's also the perfect place to be when you come down."

I smiled faintly. "This is the worst part."

He shrugged. "There are ups and downs for everything."

A breeze rippled in the clearing, ruffling the tall grass, and I shivered. Conner shrugged out of his jacket and wrapped it around my shoulders, then pulled me closer to him to keep me warm.

"Thanks," I whispered.

"Anytime."

!#$#!

We stayed in the clearing much longer than he had expected. Tyler was standing on the porch when we finally came back. Conner cut the engine.

"Well, here goes everything," I sighed.

"Damn, I'm sorry. I just kind of…I didn't mean…," he struggled for words.

I shook my head and handed his jacket back to him. I gave him a small kiss on the cheek and then opened the door.

"Hey, no sweat," I repeated his words with a smile.

He chuckled and shook his head. I closed the door and made my way to Tyler cautiously. He was eerily still. I reached out and touched his arm, but he still made no move other than to narrow his eyes at me.

"Ty," I said quietly.

"Oh, now you want to talk?" he sneered. I stood quietly.

"Why don't you just go back to wherever it was you were with your boyfriend, you fucking slut," he spat. I didn't dare say a word.

It would be over soon. He would kiss me and drag me to his bedroom where he would try to have sex with me. And I would make some excuse and leave, or would I? Tyler had given me everything that I had wanted once upon a time, why couldn't I do the same?

Before I could think anymore, his lips were on mine. I grabbed his hair in my hands and he lifted me off the ground. I wrapped my legs around his waist as we stumbled our way in the house and into his bedroom. He threw me down on the bed and I wondered if this was the way I wanted to lose my virginity, to my angry boyfriend, someone that I didn't really even love.

He didn't give me a chance to think. He hovered over me and kissed every inch of my skin. I lifted his shirt off over his head all without breaking our kiss. His hands crawled under my shirt and played at the line of my bra. Our kiss continued to deepen and I didn't see a way out now. But I at least had to tell him.

"Ty," I whispered; it came out as a moan.

He grunted as his lips made their way over my body.

"I'm a virgin," I panted.

He stopped for the slightest second and looked at me, then smiled and continued to play all over my body. His hands gently began to lift my shirt over my head, and this time, I didn't stop him. Deeper and deeper in we went, but he wasn't rushing it.

"Don't worry, I'll be gentle," he huffed.

I turned my head to the side but he grabbed my face and kissed me more roughly than he had before. His hand slipped under the waist of my jeans and I moaned again.

-I'd like to tell you that I had sex with Tyler that night; that everything went according to his plan for once, but that's not my luck.-

The minute that he snapped the button on my jeans, everything changed. His hands began to tug my tight jeans down and then it happened.

"Cops!" someone yelled.

Tyler whipped his head toward the door at the mass of people who were scrambling to get out of the house.

"Fuck," he growled and steeled out of the room. He didn't even throw one last glance at me.

I yanked my shirt down over my head and quickly buttoned my jeans before sprinting down the hall. Everyone was trying to get out the back door; they were too far gone to realize how long that would take. I ran into the bathroom and opened the window as far as it would go.

"I got this one," I heard a cop call.

Straddling the window sill, I prepared to jump. One leg out, the rest of me in, a hand grabbed my shoulder roughly. I struggled to pull myself out the window, but he was stronger than I was. He pulled me from the window and I landed on my back.

Looking up, I met a familiar face.

"Ness?" my Grandpa Charlie asked in shock.

Oh, fuck.

* * *

**A/N:** well, tell me what you thought. Short chapter but not a lot happened. Please review and I'll work on the next chapter as soon as I can.  
REVIEW!  
XOXO  
Loves you,  
Kelly


	5. Chapter 5

**Riding In Cars With Boys**

Chapter 5 - Saved

**Renesmee's POV**

I gasped and jolted upright, my heart hammering out a ragged, disjointed rhythm. I placed a hand over my heart and drew in a deep breath, confused and relieved to not find myself in a jail cell. My head spun sickeningly so I lie back down, throwing my arm across my eyes.

There was a groan next to me and the bed shifted. I looked over to find a shirtless Jacob lying next to me. I furrowed my brow in confusion and realized that I didn't remember a thing from the night before.

I glanced under the blanket twisted around the both of us and breathed a sigh of relief when I found I was still clothed, though, not fully. I pulled the blanket tighter around me and tried to fight through the cotton that had taken up residence in my mind, not allowing me to remember any details from the previous night.

Jacob stretched and I watched as his eyes flickered open slowly, squinting at the small amount of light in the room. He offered me a small smile that I returned hesitantly as he rolled to his back and scooted back to rest against the headboard. He yawned and ran a hand through his hair, the other rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"G'morning," he said, sleep thick in his voice, with his trademark smile.

I momentarily pushed my worries to the back of my mind and let myself be swept away in that smile like I always was. Jacob always seemed so happy, no matter what.

I cleared my throat and slowly licked my lips, drawing the comforter tighter around me. "Good morning."

I fidgeted nervously with the edge of the blanket, casting glances in his direction. Jacob remained oblivious to my inner turmoil until I cleared my throat again. He looked at me with a furrowed brow, confusion clearly written on his features.

"Um, Jacob, what….what happened last night?" I asked in small voice.

He frowned, a look of almost irritation crossing his face. "You don't remember?"

I shook my head slowly, wary of the way he glared down at his hands. Then muttered, so low I almost didn't catch it, "Of course you don't fucking remember."

He sighed angrily - almost growling - as he flung the blanket off of him and stepped onto the faded carpeted floor. I averted my eyes quickly from the way his hips disappeared deliciously into a pair of black basketball shorts. He furiously picked up his discarded white t-shirt and threw it over his head quickly.

He whirled back on me with a finger pointed dead center at my chest. "You want to know what happened last night? Fine. I'll fucking tell you what happened last night. You lied to your parents, went to Tyler's house, got completely fucked - as usual - spent the night with your friend Conner, nearly fucked Tyler, and then to put the cherry on top of a fan-fucking-tastic night, you almost got caught by the cops."

I stared wide-eyed at Jacob as he paced the room, fuming, regaling my night. I silently wracked my brain, trying my damndest to remember any semblance of last night. I could vaguely remember the pond with Conner, coming back to an angry Tyler. Everything after that was long forgotten.

I dropped my head in my hands as my head pounded. I shook my head slowly, groaning at the pain that settled in my mind. If what Jacob said was true, then that means the whole being caught by my grandpa was nothing more than a dream - fuck that, a nightmare brought on by a little more recreational drug and alcohol use than I was used to.

Jacob sighed and I felt the depression of the bed as he sank down in front of me. It wasn't until he took me in his strong, warm embrace that I realized I was crying. There were no sobs, no jagged breaths scraping their way in and out of my throat, only big, salty tears that fell from my eyes and splashed against the front of his shirt.

I cried for my mom, and my dad. Two people that loved me unconditionally, with no knowledge about what I did in the time I spent away from home. I cried for my sister, Anastasia, who looked up to me as if I were some hero, not a fuck-up. I cried for Jacob, my best friend, for never caring about his feelings when I dragged him into my game. But mostly I cried for myself, and all the people I'd hurt, intentional or otherwise. I cried because I was done lying. I cried for the person I used to be, and for the person I wanted to become.

Softly, I pushed away from Jacob's chest, one hand rubbing at the mascara tracks beneath my eyes, the other at the wet spot on his chest.

"Sorry," I sniffed, tracing the soft edge of his comforter.

He sighed heavily, lifting my face up to his with a finger. "Nessie, I don't know what's going on, but I want to help." He shrugged helplessly. "You have to let me."

I nodded seriously, leaning forward until my forehead met his shoulder. His strong arms enveloped me again and I relished in his warmth, willing the shaking of my body away. "I don't want to be this person anymore."

He stroked my hair tenderly and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes against the sensation as my stomach was battered with butterflies. "You don't have to be. Let me help."

"It won't be easy," I warned him as my body shook. He held me tighter and pulled the blanket around us. I burrowed myself into the blanket and him, relaxing my muscles one at a time to stop the shaking.

The way my body was acting meant that I'd done more than just weed at the party last night. It also meant I was in for one hell of a morning, and from past experience, it was only going to get worse before it got better.

Lying the both of us down, he pulled me even closer into him, tightening his hold every time I shook. He shook his head and murmured, "Nothing in life is. But you're definitely worth it."

!#$#!

The rest of the morning passed quickly. Jacob and I were our usual selves - for the most part. He was still sketchy about the remaining details of last night, and honestly, it was starting to get on my nerves.

I called my parents to let them know that I was with Jacob, and they were both irritated and relieved. I apologized profusely and told them I'd be home a little later in the day; there was nothing to worry about. Jacob watched me through the entire conversation, his face showing no emotion. That irritated me, too.

Everything was fucking irritating me, especially the shaking of my body and the nausea that twisted my stomach, threatening to up-heave everything, but not actually doing so.

"Fucking stop, would you?" I snapped and Jacob's leg immediately ceased it's incessant shaking. "Thank you."

He sighed dramatically and rubbed a hand down his face. Growing tired of the silence, he flicked the TV on to some fucktarded show and immediately started laughing, shaking the couch _again. _Deciding that I'd had enough, I stood abruptly, throwing the blanket away from me, and immediately regretted it.

A wave of nausea so strong crashed over me, that I sprinted to the bathroom, dropping to my knees just as my stomach's contents rushed out. Shaking and choking, I continued heaving, even after there was nothing left to expel. Jacob sank to his knees next to me, reaching around me to wad up some toilet paper to ebb the flow of blood from my nose.

"Breathe, Ness," he urged as I choked and spit into the dirty water. He stood abruptly and wet a washcloth to run over my face as the other pulled my hair away from my face. I whimpered quietly and dropped my face to the cool porcelain, allowing it to sooth the overheated flesh. Salty tears welled behind my closed lids and leaked out slowly, staining my cheeks as I continued to breath raggedly.

"Go away," I moaned unintelligibly as he worked to secure my hair away from my face in a ponytail. He wiped away my tears and made sure my nose stopped bleeding before taking me in his arms and carrying me to his bedroom. He tucked the blankets around me as I continued shaking, even though I was way too fucking hot, and placed a bucket by the bedside, just in case.

The last thing I felt was him crawling in next to me, on top of the blankets, placing a sweet, lingering kiss on my overheated cheek before I drifted off to sleep.

!#$#!

When I woke some time later, Jacob was gone, but I could hear his voice faintly. It sounded as though he was on the phone with someone, but I wouldn't have been surprised if he was talking to himself.

I rolled slowly out of bed and stretched my aching body, noting that I wasn't shaking quite so much anymore, and I didn't appear to be nauseous anymore.

I padded silently to the door and pressed my ear against, trying to figure out where Jacob was in the small house. Almost as soon as I touched it, though, he stopped talking, and the creak of his footsteps made their way towards his bedroom. I backed up until my legs hit the bed and sank down, resting my head in my hands.

"Hey, you're awake," he said softly as he opened the door. It clicked shut gently behind him as he crossed the floor to his bed, sinking down next to me. He placed a warm hand on my back and rubbed it for a while, the only sound in the room our quiet breathing.

I tucked my head under his arm and brought my legs up on the bed beside me, hooking an arm around Jacob's waist. He rested his head on top of mine, holding me tight as my eyes filled with tears.

"Am I a monster?" I whispered into his side.

"What?" his angry voice sliced through the silence like the sharp crack of a whip. I cringed, fearful of his answer, and hating the way the word bounced around inside of my skull. He pushed me slightly away from his side, gripping the tops of my arms and staring straight into my eyes.

"Ness, you are _not _a monster," he spat. Closing his eyes, he squeezed me tight before he let his hands fall away. "You're…honey, you're lost. Everyone gets lost in life. And when we get lost, we wander sometimes, and we eventually find our way back.

"A monster," he muttered, twisting his face in disgust. Without much thought, I reached up and placed a kiss on his cheek. He turned his head in surprise. "What was that for?"

"Thank you," I murmured, resting my chin on his shoulder. "Thank you for not leaving me. Thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for not letting me lose myself."

He sighed and pulled me into a hug, planting a kiss on top of my head. "That's what friends are for."

!#$#!

Jacob agreed to come with me to Tyler's house to help me get my car and my belongings. He was quiet on the drive there, and I had a sinking feeling it was because he was never much of a fan of Tyler's. I'd told Jacob many times that I'd broken up with Tyler, only to go right back to him.

The house was dark, not a light on anywhere inside. The yard had been picked up, but I could only imagine what the inside looked like. I took the steps slowly, but didn't bother knocking. I'd never knocked on Ty's door before, and I wasn't about to start now.

The inside looked the same as it had last night. There was a thick fog hovering around the living room, red plastic cups scattered over every surface imaginable. Even the line of white powder had been left on the coffee table.

_Jesus, fuck, that was some dream last night._

I began picking up my things from the living room. A sweatshirt over the desk chair, a pair of shoes by the front door. I turned towards Ty's bedroom, but paused when I saw an unfamiliar figure standing in the doorway.

"Who are you?" She asked, walking towards me. She was wearing only one of his t-shirts, twirling a stand of hair around her finger.

"Who are you?" I countered, crossing my arms over my chest. She smirked dropping her hand and looking behind me at Jacob.

"So you're the little girl that Ty's been trying to get to give it up. He was fucked good and proper last night, sweetheart, don't you worry."

I made a noise in the back of my throat, disgusted by his actions. Even if I didn't care much about him, he had said he'd loved me. And he sort of just…cheated on me.

_Ouch. _"Right, well, I wasn't really all that concerned about his sex life, but thanks for filling me in. I just came to pick up my things. Where's Ty?"

"In the bedroom," she mumbled, sticking the tip of her finger in her mouth. "I may have worn him out."

"Awesome," I muttered, stepping around her. When I walked into the bedroom, Ty was asleep, lying on his stomach. He must have heard my approach, because he chuckled.

"You come back for more, baby?"

"No, actually, I came back for my things." The sound of my voice caused him to turn over, squinting at me in confusion.

"Ness?"

"Surprise," I enthused with a fake smile. "I sure hope I didn't interrupt anything."

"What are you doing here?" he sat up abruptly, pulling the blanket tight around his lower body.

"I came back to get my things, Ty, don't trouble yourself with getting up." I began pulling open his dresser drawers, overlooking bags upon bags of weed and other goodies and began pulling out my various clothing items. "Oh, pretty sure these aren't mine," I stated, throwing a pair of lacy pink panties at his face.

"Ness, I was gonna tell you," he sighed. He sounded genuinely upset, and I was wondering why I was even that upset to begin with. I was with him for only one thing, and I'd gotten that. He didn't owe me anything. I probably owed him.

I grabbed the last of my things, putting them in the backpack I'd left by the closet. I fought against the tears welling up in my eyes, knowing they were irrational, but feeling powerless to stop them. "When, Ty? When I finally walked in on you going to town? You know what, I was stupid to think you wouldn't go looking for it elsewhere. Have a nice life, Ty. Really. Have fun with your gaggle of girls."

I walked out of the room and ran straight into blondie in the hallway. "Aw, poor baby, leaving so soon?"

"Fuck you," I spat, pushing past her.

"I've got Ty for that," she called after me. I paused and turned, the urge to hit her strong.

"She's not worth it, Ness," Jacob's voice gave me pause. I would've thought he'd left by now, but his hand on my shoulder calmed me. He took my backpack and my hand and together, we walked back to his car.

"Wait, Jacob, where's my car?" I began to panic when I didn't see it anywhere on the street.

"Your friend, Conner, drove it to your house last night."

"Conner called you?" I said out loud, though it was for my own clarification.

We both got into his car, but Jacob hesitated before starting the car. "After you and Ty were about to…you know, someone said the cops had been called. Conner called me from your phone, and he and you drove a couple blocks over and waited for me. Conner offered to take your car home, so I gave him a ride back to his house, and he came back this morning for his car. And the reason you were so sick this morning, even though you said you hadn't done anything more than weed…Ty had been lacing the…blunts…with, you know, other stuff. That's why you felt like you needed to go back every night."

I sat there, staring at him, wondering how he knew all of this, before I realized that he and Conner must be a lot closer than I had imagined. Jacob started the car then, and when we pulled up at my house, I was reluctant to let him go.

"Would you like to, um…maybe have dinner with us? At least come inside and just…hang out or something?"

The smile he gave me was small. It told me how much he wanted to, but it also told me we had a long road ahead of us. But I knew Jacob would always be right by my side.

"I'd love to."

* * *

Hi. I'm sorry this took so long to get out. I wrote this chapter and re-wrote it and re-wrote it again, then left it alone, and finally made it my bitch. I know it's short, but I wanted to give you guys something, if there are even any of you left. Hopefully with the completion of Wings, I'll be able to get back into my other stories.

Much love xoxo


	6. Chapter 6

**Riding In Cars With Boys**

Chapter 6 – Tangled In the Great Escape

**Renesmee's POV**

Jacob and I walked into my house, hand in hand. He was mostly there so my parents didn't throw a huge fit – not right away, anyway. I had lied to them in more than one way last night, so I couldn't blame them for being upset with me. Even I was tired of my bullshit.

I could hear them in the kitchen when I pushed the front door open. Their chattering stopped and dad poked his head around the doorframe. I gave him an impish smile and watched his eyes grow wide before landing on Jacob. The look he gave me after that clearly told me that we needed to speak, and I lowered my eyes, feeling like a complete idiot.

He recovered nicely, though, placing a hand on Jacob's shoulder. "Jake, it's nice to see you again. Care to stay for dinner?"

Jacob smiled, stepping around me, but not dropping my hand. "Sounds great, Mr. C."

I thought for sure that mom was going to cry when she saw me, but she just settled for a really tight hug and a kiss on the cheek. She managed to give me the same look dad had given me and asked me to help her with dinner.

Jacob gave me a small smile and nod as I pulled my hand from his. Truth be told, I was still feeling a little shaky, and was doing my best to hide it from my parents. I wasn't sure how to explain away withdrawal symptoms to them. Not with dad being a doctor.

Anastasia sat silently at the kitchen table, putting together a puzzle. She briefly looked up from the puzzle to meet my eyes, but didn't acknowledge my presence in any other way. For Jacob, though, she had a mega-watt smile and one of her famous squeeze hugs. Guilt stabbed at me, like a dull knife, and I barely held back my tears.

It was nothing more than I deserved or expected.

!#$#!

After dinner, Ana went straight for Jacob and pulled him into her room to play dress up. She had once confided in me that she thought Jacob was very cute, and she also loved the color pink on him. Jacob was a good sport, letting her drag him through the house to put tutus and various other sparkly objects on him. He curtseyed good-naturedly and blew us all a kiss.

Meanwhile, I was in the kitchen with my parents. They stared at me expectantly as I fumbled through my jumbled brain to put something feasible together to tell them.

"So I wasn't entirely honest with you last night. I…I went to Ty's house. He was having a party and he wanted me there," It was the closest thing to the truth I could think to tell them. The hurt look on their faces made me feel like the shittiest human being the Earth had to offer.

"But I want you to know I called Jacob to come pick me up. The cops busted the party and I broke up with Tyler. I'm sorry I lied to you both and I'm done with all of that. I'm done with not coming home. I miss you guys."

I sniffled unattractively, looking up at both of them.

Dad spoke first. "We appreciate you being honest with us, Renesmee. But you're grounded."

I nodded quietly, almost smiling because they were punishing me. Jesus, I had just missed them so much. "I understand."

We exchanged small smiles across the table before mom stood up. "So, who's ready for cake?"

!#$#!

I hugged Jacob tightly, and he did the same. He kissed me on the cheek as he pulled away, giving me a small smile. "You know I'm always here for you, kid."

I mock- punched his jaw, returning the smile. "As far as best friends go, I guess I could do worse."

He placed a hand over his heart. "You wound me, woman."

I placed a kiss on his cheek and took a step back. "Thank you for everything, Jacob. I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you or properly thank you. But it means everything to me."

"You could let me get a full night's sleep. And call just to hang out once in a while. Oh, and that cake your mom made? Yeah, I'll need one of those, too."

I rolled my eyes. "Typical man; all you want is sleep and food. But call me sometime and we can hangout like normal friends do."

He chuckled and ducked to slide into his car. "Yeah…I'll think about it. Let me know when you're off house arrest."

I waved as he backed out of the driveway. I stood outside for a few minutes longer, soaking up the remainder of the heat from the day. Truthfully, I was putting off the last apology I had to make. It was probably the one that meant the most – to me, anyway.

She was bathed and being put to bed when I finally came back inside. My parents exchanged knowing looks, kissed her goodnight and left the room, leaving the two of us alone. I lay down next to her, noticing the way she stared up at the ceiling, not acknowledging my presence.

I propped my head up and brushed a strand of wet hair away from her face. Her wide eyes met mine, and the expression 'open book' had never met a truer example.

She cuddled close to me, the only thing separating us being a blanket and her Snuggles bear. "Ana, I'm sorry I left last night. It was not a very smart thing for me to do. I promise I won't do that to you again. I'm so, so sorry it made you so upset."

"I missed you lots. I so happy you come home yesserday and then you were gone and I din' like that lots."

I wrapped my arms around her, feeling tears prick my eyes. If my baby sister was upset over my absence, I couldn't imagine the shit I'd put my parents through. "I promise that the next time I have to leave I will let you know, okay?"

She nodded quietly, her eyelids heavy with sleep. Too content and comfortable to move, I squeezed her just a little tighter, ensuring I wouldn't fall off her small bed. Her soft snores were all the forgiveness I needed, and I let her steady breathing lull me to sleep.

!#$#!

When I woke the next morning, it was to the sound of a tiny giggle and the smell of French toast. I sat slowly, realizing I was still in Ana's bed, though she wasn't with me anymore. I also took note of how sore I was, from both the vomiting of the previous day and the cramped position of sleeping on her tiny bed.

I made my way to the sliver of light under the door and quietly pushed it open. The giggling had come from the kitchen, also where the French toast was coming from. My stomach rumbled loudly and I placed a hand on it, as if to settle the beast within.

I tiptoed across the hall to my bedroom and shut the door behind me. I was in desperate need of a shower and a change of clothes. I decided the shower would have to wait for later and slipped out of my jeans. Sleeping in jeans was the worst, but it was something I had recently come accustomed to. I pulled a hoodie over my top half and pulled my hair into a messy bun.

I looked exactly as I felt: like shit. I shuffled slowly into the kitchen, claiming the seat next to mom. A plate of French toast had already been placed there, and I bit my lip to stop from drooling. I was absolutely starving, but I was a little nervous to put so much food back into my stomach. I had felt queasy after dinner last night, but thankfully, hadn't thrown up. I swear Saltine crackers could heal everything.

"Morning Nessie," dad said from across the table. He was digging in to his own heaping pile of toast, drenched in syrup and powdered sugar. Mom leaned over to give me a quick kiss on the cheek before turning to her own plate. Even Ana looked dwarfed in comparison to the amount of food on her plate.

Okay, so I was exaggerating – sue me. But seriously, that little girl could eat more than me on her worst day.

Dad, of course, immediately noted my hesitation. "Something the matter, Ness?"

I shook my head quickly, freeing my hand from my hoodie sleeve and picking up my fork. I cut a large chunk and stuffed it in my mouth without much thought, just wanting to appease my father. I smiled around the mouthful, and he was mollified, going back to his own meal.

I chewed slowly and swallowed even slower, already knowing how this was about to end. I set my fork down quietly and stared down at my folded hands, feeling them become clammy and feeling my face flush hot.

I pushed back from the table as quickly as I could and ran for the bathroom, bringing up what had just gone down. Dad was standing outside the bathroom when I finished, his forehead wrinkled that way it does when he's really worried. He took one look at me and sent me back to bed with water and a glass of ginger-ale.

I wasn't sure which was worse: the sickness, or the guilt that ate at me for being so untruthful to my parents. Either way, I felt tears leak out the corner of my eyes, and did the best to muffle the sound of my cries.

I only had myself to blame.

!#$#!

**Flash Forward – Jacob's POV**

_I kicked the door shut behind me, going straight for the answering machine. The red number one flickered at me, and poking the play button with the tip of my finger, the monotone voice filled the room._

_I began to put the few groceries I had picked up away as Edward's voice finally came through. Disappointment twisted in my gut, though I really should have expected it. He had called around the same time every day to see if she had called me, though I hadn't heard from her in months…not since the last time she slipped._

_Sighing, I made my way into the living room. I let Lola out of her cage and led her outside before I set to work cleaning up the small space. Tucker was just like any other five-year-old boy out there; he could play hard, but couldn't clean it up._

_Some days I wondered what it would be like if I hadn't made the decision to adopt Tuck. But honestly, if I hadn't done it…well, I didn't want to think about it. Ness had been trying to get clean at the time, and a two year old, in need of constant attention, was a little more than she could handle. _

_Don't get me wrong, she loved Tuck more than words could express. I mean, really, it's her son. But for a person going through withdrawal, nothing is easy. And as for his father, well, Tuck has no idea who the man is…and we all hope it stays that way._

_I let Lola back inside and grab her leash from the front door. Her tail wags excitedly, but she sits like a good girl and I hook it to her collar, leading her out the front door. She walks nicely in front of me, and I wonder about Tuck on the way to pick him up from school. _

_Some days I wish that Ness could get her shit together again and be the mother he needs. Kayli came close to being the kid's step mother, but when she met Ness, she fled faster than I could blink. It's okay, though. She wasn't the best choice for Tucker, anyway. I sigh to myself and stop outside of his school._

_A few of the women smile politely at me, and I return the gesture in kind. Though I'm not biologically his father – and Tucker knows this – he still calls me dad in front of strangers. It's his choice, and I would never force that on him. But at home, he calls me Jacob, and that's just fine with me, too. Still, it looks better to the other parents around. _

_He's one of the first out of the school when the bells ring and he jumps right into my arms – after giving Lola a hug, of course. He slips his hand in mine and I smile to myself in contentment. _

_He chatters at me on the way home, but I'm struck again by how much he looks like Ness. The big brown eyes and the dark brown hair – I miss her more than ever. _

_Tucker chases Lola inside the house and she barks happily at having her play friend back home. The answering machine flickers at me again, and I sigh, knowing that it could only be Edward again._

_Still, I press the play button._

"_Hey, Jacob…" I nearly lose all the air in my lungs. Because it's her…._

_It's finally her._

* * *

Heyyy, this story just took a turn I wasn't expecting. But I'm just going to roll with it.

Thanks for the patience, I know it's been a while. Reviews would be lovely, please.

The song for this chapter is _Tangled In The Great Escape _by Pierce The Veil. It's wonderful.

Much love xoxo  
Kelly


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